I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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