Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
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I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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