Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
