Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize