he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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