I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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