You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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