Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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