I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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