Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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