No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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