Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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