I want to stick my p in your. b.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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