oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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