ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
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I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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