Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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