I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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