just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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