pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im six kinds of drunk right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize