420 ftw
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
