3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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