Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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