The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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