Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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