Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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