There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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