At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Blow job season was short but glorious.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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