anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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