we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
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OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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