I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize