I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize