I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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