I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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