is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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