i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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