i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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