If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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