so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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