please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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