Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize