when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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