he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
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I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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