I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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