He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize