: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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