Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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