the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
