i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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