Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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