i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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