I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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