everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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